Humor

Contributed by Gary Boone:

You might be a roadster maniac if:

– You could care less what gas mileage your roadster gets, even when you pay $2.00 a gallon.
– You bought a second roadster before buying a house.
– You bought a third roadster before buying furniture for the new house.
– You buy new roadster parts because you don’t know where you put the spares.
– You’ve ever had to explain the term “Evil L”.
– You’re looking for Panasports for your roadster and still haven’t bought furniture.
– You find that you need a new house because you’ve outgrown your garage and the neighbors are threatening violence if you park one more roadster on the street or in the front yard.
– The requirements you give your real estate agent are (in order of importance): 1) 8 car, climate controlled garage with an attached shop. 2) Outside parking for 6 roadsters 3) Deaf neighbors. 4) Across the street from a paint and body shop.
– Your first date involves asking her to help you put the top up.
– Your criteria for selecting a “significant other” includes roadster repair skills. Air tools are a plus.
– Your friends don’t recognize you without a roadster T shirt.
– You plan your wedding around your roadster’s restoration schedule.
– You remember the dates and details of every part you’ve ever replaced on your roadster, but can’t remember your phone number.
– Your family brings the couch into the garage so they can spend some time with you.
– crawling around in the muck wrenching on your roadster is much more appealing than reclining on the sofa, watching the pretty cars go around on TV with a beer in your hand…
– People know you by the color and year of your roadster.
– “Oh, you are the one broken down on the 5, heading to Shasta last year!”
– You’re registered for wedding gifts at the local Nissan dealer.
– Your Christmas list begins with a Solex set up and comp springs (and your “significant other” knows what these are).
– After your answer to “How was your weekend?”, the next question is always: “And you do this for fun? Right?”
– You have a separate drawer for “roadster clothes”.
– A new magazine with roadster content arrives in the mail and you disappear to the bathroom for hours.
– You measure all family acquisitions in terms of the number of roadster parts that could have been purchased.
– You sit in your roadster in a dark garage and make car noises, while waiting for your > engine to get back from the machine shop.
– You wonder why everyone doesn’t drive a roadster.
– You look at the purchase of additional roadsters as a long term investment.
– Your children are named after famous roadster race car drivers.
– Your roadster budget is one of the big 3 – mortgage, car payments, day care, etc.
– Your garage holds more roadsters than your house has bedrooms.
– You have an immaculate roadster which you drive one day a week, and the vehicle that gets you around the other six days is rusted, covered with duct tape, and has a pair of Vise Grips holding the clutch cable together.
– You have the “Shift-O-Matic” sitting on your desk. (The “Shift-O-Matic” happens to be a toilet plunger with a shifter attached with a Datsun crest) And while meeting with your staff you run through the gears making rude noises and an occasional squealing sound.
– You have enough spare parts to build another roadster.
– More than one roadster vendor recognizes your voice and greets you by name when you call.
– You have roadster parts in your cubicle at work.
– Your daughter was a ***ROC member when she was 1 day old.
– You actually enjoy driving in the rain or snow with the top down on the way to work.
– You laugh when someone asks to see your wallet photos of your family and all you have are photos of your roadster.
– You know the VIN and production date of your roadster(s), but can’t remember your social security number.
– You buy really cheap tires for your everyday car, so you can save big $$$ for the roadster tires.
– You hate long distance driving, but you will gladly drive 800 miles to Shasta.
– You think that traction control and ABS are for those who can’t drive.
– It’s your parents 50th anniversary and you send them a gift certificate for dinner out, because your roadster is due out of the paint shop that weekend.
– You’ve ever tried to convince your wife you needed that UniSyn to fix the air filter on her minivan.
– You put receipts for the Solex kit and Panasports in the file labeled “Annual Auto Repair Expense”.
– You save broken roadster parts as “momentos”.
– You have a “home” toolbox and a “roadster” toolbox.
– You can look the hotel clerk straight in the eye and say “One Adult, and could I have some extra towels?”.
– You have 3 immaculate roadsters always road ready, but your wife has to nag you for 2 months before you fix the headlight in her car.
– Your “daily driver” is continuously being mistaken for an abandoned car as you haven’t taken the time to wash it in over a year.
– You came back early from your honeymoon in order to get your roadster out of the shop.
– You have a large piece of roadster piston mounted on a wall plaque in your living room.
– The UPS truck stops at your house more than any other house on the block.
– You plan all your vacation around Shasta and your wife says ..not this year, again?
– You spend lunch hour reading the latest roadster email messages instead of eating with the group.
– You paid more for your 3 roadsters than for your house.
– You prepared for the purchase of a specific make and model of roadster for more than 2 years.
– You fix the roadster before you fix your daily driver.
– You like it when telemarketers call, because you can tell them about your roadster (because everybody else has already heard all about it).
– You used to have money.
– You try to justify your roadster hobby as continuing education.
– You’ve actually taken the time to follow this string.
– Your EMAIL address refers to your roadster rather than to you.
– Some of your best friends live 500 miles away.
– You have more pictures of your roadster than of your kids.
– You haven’t been to your family reunion for years because it’s always early July.
– The UPS man can’t believe that little box costs that much!
– The roadster gets waxed more often than your floor.
– Your neighbors think you’re crazy, your friends wonder, and you know you are.